After two millennia, a visibly angry Jesus announced today that he has finally thrown in the towel on science. "Back in the days when folks were burned at the stake for questioning the word of God, everything was hunky dory," Jesus said. "Then this science business came around and fucked up everything with its 'laws of physics' and 'carbon dating' bullshit. Next thing you know, I'm in a lab coat trying to prove to a bunch of depraved Screech look-a-likes that it's possible to walk on water, or fit two of every animal on earth into one boat. The hell with it – I suck at this!"
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