Responding to rightwing attacks that he';s "unpatriotic," President Obama today unveiled his new presidential seal. The seal maintains the traditional eagle grasping an olive branch and arrows but adds a dramatic new twist: The eagle wears a "Captain America" motorcycle helmet just like the one Peter Fonda wore in Easy Rider. "You can keep your American flag lapel and lame pandering about ';real Americans,';" the President said. "This here is some next-level s**t. Oh, and check this out!" The President then pushed a button behind his podium and the eagle';s beak began moving to a recording of Steppenwolf';s "Born to Be Wild." "It';s kind of like one of those ';singing bass'; things they sell at Walmart," he said. This is the first time the seal has been modified since President Nixon temporarily changed the eagle to a cop flogging a hippie with a billyclub.

The United States officially unfurled its new flag today, honoring the brave souls who lost their lives in the war against the Space Invaders. "Let it be known! Never again will our country be terrorized by neatly organized rows of pixelated, two-dimensional critters from space," said President Obama. "And may this serve as a warning to any other foe who might get any ideas -- be they giant centipedes, millipedes, Galagas, or barrel-tossing apes." This will be the first change to the US flag since the 1979, when a white triangle was added to commemorate the spaceship that saved the planet from a storm of asteroids.

Look out, Facebook! A new social networking phenomenon is sweeping the nation. The revolutionary Reallife allows users to "do things" and have actual "human to human contact." Much like Facebook, users can add "friends" to their Reallife profile. However, unlike Facebook, "friends" do not include the wheezy kid you vaguely remember from camp, Todd';s roommate who once sold you weed and wants to bone you, or Barack Obama. Reallife is also different from Facebook in that users will see the real you -- not a grossly misleading avatar, a picture of your child/cat, or a uncannily smoldering "candid" shot of you staring away from the camera all mysteriously. Also, in Reallife, throwing a sheep at someone would be considered rude, and possibly illegal (though not in Nebraska).

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“Bazinga!” Sheldon Cooper from “The Big Bang Theory” done in an “Obama Hope” style. bazinga, big bang theory, sheldon cooper, tv show, geek, nerd, pop culture, funny

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Be part of the Global Movement. Support Kony 2012 with these designs. kony 2012, lords resistance army, lra, injustice, poverty, grass roots, movement, freedom, occupy wallstreet, joseph kony, trending, political, obama, republican, democrat, conservatives, invisible children, donation, charity, kony poster