Teenormous T-shirts

Just follow this handy instructional diagram. Most everything comes with unnecessary instructional information today. Floors have signs that indicate they'll be slippery when wet. Milk cartons have helpful diagrams on how to open them. Sleeping pills come with a warning that they may cause drowsiness. Jars of peanuts (wait for it...) may contain peanuts. So we've come to the conclusion that the reason that people who need to DIAF haven't gone ahead and done it (besides being the sort of folk who need to do this to begin with) is that we haven't provided them enough guidance. Maybe what they need is a diagram showing them how. You, being the selfless person that you are, can totally provide that for them. All they need is a little help. DIAF and an instructional-style diagram of a figure engulfed in flames in white on a red, 100% cotton t-shirt.

The Bon Temps are gonna roll right over you! Geeks and sports don't generally mix.* There are always exceptions. But generally sporting events bring back bad memories of P.E. classes: broken glasses, stupid uniforms, and getting picked last. Look, when they work blernsball, quidditch, or zero-g football (Jim Bexley Speed FTW!) in to the gym curriculum, call us. Until then, we'll be here on the sideline, getting a fierce sunburn. That's what makes this shirt so great, because when you're having "Spirit Day," everybody else can be wearing a shirt with their Favorite Local Team on it, and you can be wearing this one. We suspect you'll get questions about it, which works for both the extroverts and the introverts. The extroverts can rant fondly about True Blood; the introverts can quickly sort out which humans aren't worthy. Bon Temps Football logo on a heather grey, 90% cotton / 10% polyester t-shirt. * Dear sports-fanatic customers: please don't beat us up. We know you exist, and

For the honor of Grayskull! Sometimes you find yourself enmeshed in hopeless meetings. Too much bureaucracy. Too much "we've always done it this way." Too much resistance to doing the right thing. It feels like you're going to have to move mountains all by yourself. It's in situations like these where you need a reminder of just how mighty you are. How about if your shirt reminds you you're the Most Powerful Woman in the Universe? You were BORN to do this job. Your will is formidable, and also you can convince a panda to give your presentation for you. Because, come on, who can resist panda presentations? Not even Hordak. She-Ra's breastplate graces the front of this 100% cotton, babydoll (fitted) shirt. Bonus cape (and Sword of Protection) conveniently printed on the back guaranteed not to get caught in revolving doors.

Just Add Photons Everybody likes photosynthesis. It's hard not to if you breathe. When we saw the new UV-sensitive ink, we knew what we had to use it for. Plus, printing the formula for photosynthesis on a shirt that reacts to sunlight is our super sneaky way of getting more Vitamin D into our customers. Here's how the shirt reads: 6CO2 + 6H2O + photons -> C6H12O6 + 6O2 Leaves and roots grow out of the formula when the shirt is exposed to UV light. The leaves and roots are visible but very faint indoors. The whole glorious mess is printed on an eco-friendly 100% certified organic cotton, 4.3 oz. natural (off-white) ladies' shirt. For maximum life of the design, machine wash cold, inside out. Do not iron. Note: Please reference the table below to choose your size. S M L XL 2X Chest 31 in. 34 in. 36 in. 38 in. 42 in.

Just Add Photons Everybody likes photosynthesis. It's hard not to if you breathe. When we saw the new UV-sensitive ink, we knew what we had to use it for. Plus, printing the formula for photosynthesis on a shirt that reacts to sunlight is our super sneaky way of getting more Vitamin D into our customers. Here's how the shirt reads: 6CO2 + 6H2O + photons -> C6H12O6 + 6O2 Leaves and roots grow out of the formula when the shirt is exposed to UV light. The leaves and roots are visible but very faint indoors. The whole glorious mess is printed on an eco-friendly 100% certified organic cotton, 4.3 oz. natural (off-white) t-shirt. For maximum life of the design, machine wash cold, inside out. Do not iron. Note: Please reference the table below to choose your size. S M L XL 2X 3X Chest 36 in. 39 in. 43 in. 47 in. 51 in. 55 in.

xkcd Goodies: Science Babydoll Science: We finally figured out that you could separate fact from superstition by a completely radical method: observation. You can try things, measure them, and see how they work! Bitches. The graph on the back of the shirt is data from the COBE mission, which looked at the background microwave glow of the universe and found that it fit perfectly with the idea that the universe used to be really hot everywhere. This strongly reinforced the Big Bang theory and was one of the most dramatic examples of an experiment agreeing with a theory in history -- the data points fit perfectly, with error bars too small to draw on the graph. It's one of the most triumphant scientific results in history. "Science / It works, bitches." on the front with the COBE graph on the back in white on a green babydoll (fitted) t-shirt. The babydoll shirt is a slightly lighter green.

Fetchez la vache! This shirt is dedicated to all the holy grail fans who enjoy using their potential methane emissions as a threat. You know who you are. We know you're out there because we have brothers and dads that sat on us and gas-saulted our sensitive noses. Our hamster mothers just looked the other way, too. And let's put it nicely - it didn't smell of elderberries. "I fart in your general direction" printed toward the bottom on THE BACK of a black 100% cotton t-shirt. It's kind of a distressed font and not so big, because you really want your victims to have to lean in to read it. *sniggers*

ABNORMAL - DO NOT USE Welcome to the Brain Depository web site. This site provides firms and individuals with a variety of information about our services. The Brain Depository offers a variety of insured depository storage and reporting arrangements to meet the wide range of operational needs of its customers. Our climate-controlled facility provides a strictly regulated neuron preservation environment, precise inventory-tracking controls, efficient online retrieval ordering, and dependable overnight delivery of materials requested from storage. We work closely with hospitals and mortuaries to provide all our customers, from mad scientists to zombies, the quality materials they need. The Brain Depository eliminates eliminates the need to contact each provider directly, saving time, reducing freight costs, and simplifying purchasing procedures. Grey matters. The Brain Depository understands. Brain in a jar with the label "Abby Normal Organ Donor" on a sand-colored 100% cotton t-s

Help Wanted Come work for Merlotte's Bar and Grill, consistently rated #1 bar in Bon Temps, Louisiana (it helps that we're the only one). Must provide prompt and courteous service to patrons, make menu and daily special recommendations. Hours vary. This is a family place. Locals only. Interested applicants should ask for Sam. Note to copy editor: Because of our high turnover, please run ad continuously. Merlotte's Bar and Grill logo over the chest with the words TrueBlood in grey beneath on a white, fashion-weight (which means it's thin and soft) babydoll (fitted) t-shirt. Note: Please reference the table below to choose your size. This is a more straight-cut shirt than many of our offerings, meaning the waist measurement isn't significantly smaller than the chest. S M L XL 2X Chest 30 in. 32 in. 34 in. 37 in. 40 in. Waist 27 in. 29 in. 31 in. 33 in. 35 in. Length 25 3/8 in. 26 in. 26 5/8 in. 27 1/4 in. 27 7/8 in.

Alien Abduction FTW Generally alien abduction does not go well. The word "probe" tends to be associated with it, which is undesirable as either a noun or a verb. However, there is one memorable exception when you want to be abducted by the mothership: Galaga. You let the Boss come down and hit the tractor beam (beeeeeeeeewwwwwww), and then later when you kill the Boss, you get TWO fighters at your command, which is really useful in the Challenging Stages. Instead of pew pew pew, it's pewpew pewpew pewpew. Original Galaga logo on a brown 100% cotton t-shirt. Note: the print is distressed and the fabric is extra soft for a vintage feel.

Catch you on the flipside. We're totally going to show our age by doing this in this format, but here goes. (What? You already know we played Pong.) Clues given by celebrity partner Betty White, naturally: "Hmm." "Burgers." "Tiddly-Winks." "A coin." "Your lid." "Angry Birds." Things you flip! Is it Things You Flip?!? *cue audience applause and Pyramid theme music* What do you win? Why this looooovely Angry Birds shirt, sure to make you the envy of your friends and neighbors. This black, babydoll (fitted) shirt features everybody's favorite, the red bird. And by "win" we mean you get to buy it. Cause we ain't giving it away. We got apps to pay for.

Marvel employment is rough. With the economy how it is, it can be difficult to find work, even with a super skill set. We've put together a friendly little list of places to avoid applying to, no matter how desperate you become: A.I.M. (Advanced Idea Mechanics). If you're going to be a terrorist, you shouldn't have to wear a uniform. A yellow uniform. Who looks good in yellow? Besides Wolverine. And The Bride. HYDRA. Fascism. And again with the bad uniforms. It's a good thing when a company wants to keep you; it's a bad thing when they do it via death-oath. The Sons of the Serpent. Perpetrators of hate-crimes. All around scumbags. Do you really want to be seen with them? Yeah. We didn't think so. Hexus. It'd be your last exposure to extreme corporate branding. Great experience, and you'd love it while you work there. But you can't really put it on a resume, cause there isn't any next job. Roxxon Energy Corporation, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Kronas Corporation. BP blamed a fau

Is there a mute button on this thing? Multitasking. We multitask all the time, even though studies have shown it doesn't increase productivity. So when you're running a report, getting the paperwork together for your next meeting, and putting the finishing touches on that presentation, the last thing you need is for a coworker to walk into your space unannounced and start talking. They usually get a half a sentence into the blather and then immediately interrupt with the inquiry, "Oh sorry. Were you in the middle of something?" No. I work here. Why would you possibly think I might be in the middle of something? Of COURSE I'm in the middle of something. If you walked into my office at 2 p.m. on a Saturday, that would be an appropriate time for you to ask if I were in the middle of something. Because at 2 p.m. on a Saturday, theoretically I shouldn't be. But if I'm here, on a work day, during work hours, in the office? I'm working. Unless I'm walking to a meeting or picking up som

xkcd Goodies - Stand Back (Science) Babydoll We love the verb on this shirt. It could have been "do." It could have been "perform." But no. It's "try." Which is so unsure. As a wise figure once said, "Do or do not. There is no try." "Stand back! I'm going to try science!" with a little figure holding out a flask and a calculator in white on the front of this black babydoll (fitted) t-shirt.

Breaking News A Miami resident is facing possible charges after authorities reported finding suspicious materials during a search of his property. Miami Metro police officers executed a search warrant Thursday at the home after being alerted to potentially hazardous substances on the premises by an air-conditioning repairman. Staff in the Internal Affairs division have confirmed that investigators executed the warrant at the residence of a blood spatter analyst for the Miami Metro Police Department, but they provided few other details. Eyewitnesses report officers left the premises with a small wooden box. The suspect was released on his own recognizance. Miami Metro blood spatter reference chart in white and red on an olive green, 100% cotton t-shirt.

xkcd Goodies: Regular Expressions Shirt This is the much-requested shirt based on xkcd's Comic #208. It warns everyone that you are not to be trifled with, that you have the situation well in hand, and that you can fix everything with a long jumble of indecipherable characters. (The expression on the front between the slashes is restrictive, but don't be greedy*?) On the back there is a hacker hero swinging in to save the day. "/ Everybody stand back / I know regular expressions" on the front with a coding hero swinging in to save the day on the back of a black 100% cotton t-shirt.

orly. Theoretically, text-speak is supposed to save you time. But no T9 Prediction engine is going to take "srsly" as a word. Ours gives us Spr? before it chokes. "Wait!" we can hear its little SIM-card brain screaming. "Only one of those things can possibly be a vowel, and then only sometimes! Plus, it's at the END of the word." Your phone totally hates you a little bit now. Sure, you can turn Prediction off, but who wants to hit the 7 key four times every time you need to make something plural? Saving time: that's not helping. "srsly?" in white ink on a black 100% cotton t-shirt. That's it. srsly.

As if it's going to help. Your neighbor has this piece of property which she quite erroneously refers to as a home. It's not a home; it's a swirling vortex of entropy. And since she sleeps like the dead (and has a snoring problem that really needs medical attention), she shouldn't mind you cleaning it. Who wouldn't want to wake up to perfectly organized closets and ironed underthings? So when your roommate floats the idea of sneaking over and shampooing said neighbor's carpet, it seems perfectly logical. Why not? The carpet IS dirty and probably teeming with bacteria. What? He was being sarcastic? How were YOU supposed to know? Maybe he should have been wearing this shirt. This shirt provides a friendly start tag on the front and a end tag on the back of a black babydoll (fitted) t-shirt. As if it's going to help.

Fetch... the Comfy Chair! Nooooobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. Our chief weapon is fear. Fear and surprise. Our two, two main weapons are fear, surprise, and a ruthless efficiency. Our three, three main weapons are fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope. Ah. Amongst our weapons are fear, surprise.... Amongst our weaponry are.... Ah. I'll come in again. "The Spanish Inquisition" and the subtitle "Expected by Nobody Since 1970" printed on a black shield with white highlights on a cardinal red (get it? cardinal red?) babydoll (fitted) t-shirt. The design includes the hat from Cardinal Ximinez (Michael Palin) and two crosses.

Until this shirt is no longer needed Probably every female in IT has experienced this at least once. Here's T-shirt Girl's favorite anecdote from her own collection. Back in her customer service days, she had this lovely exchange with a gentleman who didn't know how to make his modem go: T-Shirt Girl: Thank you for calling [company name redacted]. My name is [T-Shirt Girl]. How may I help you? Gentleman Caller: I'm looking for technical support. T-Shirt Girl: Okay. What seems to be the problem? Gentleman Caller: No, I need [enunciating] tech-ni-cal sup-port. T-Shirt Girl: Right. How can I help you? Gentleman Caller: You're female. T-Shirt Girl: Umhmm. [at this point the gentleman hung up, presumably running away screaming] (Would it be wrong to say that I hope he can't read this because he's still sitting there trying to figure out how to get his 9600 baud modem to connect?) "I am the IT Guy" emblazoned in white on a black babydoll (fitted) t-shirt.

The gang's all here! When the Angry Birds get back to their nest, what do you think they talk about? Do they talk about pigs and the ways they plan to crush them the next day? Do they log on to BeakBook and recruit more birds for their cause? Or is talking shop at home against the rules? Maybe they just preen the splinters from between their feathers and relax. Perhaps the most important burning question: what do Angry Birds play on their smartphones? *cues "Twilight Zone" music* Distressed Angry Birds design on a heather charcoal, 50% cotton/50% polyester t-shirt.

Terrible Death Whinny Bad Horse! Bad Horse! Bad Horse! Bad Horse! The Evil League of Evil Is building on its brand The shirts that you receive Will bring us cash-in-hand Designs that we conceive'll Be highly in demand. A shield of red, a field of black Some Latin on a ribbon plaque. Bad Horse! Bad Horse! Bad Horse! He's Bad! So rustle up your wallet Pull out your credit card By Internet or phone call It's really not that hard! The charge will be quite small, and We'll give you our regards. So buy some now, they can be yours, Just click that button Signed Bad Horse Evil League of Evil official logo on a black, babydoll (fitted) t-shirt. Note: These are sized differently than our standard babydolls. Please reference the table below to choose your size. S M L XL 2X Chest 33 in. 35 in. 37 in. 39 in. 41 in. Front Length 25 in. 26 in. 27 in. 28 in. 29 in.

Was that the primary buffer panel? Life is interesting. And by interesting, we mean surprising, unexpected, absorbing, engrossing, fascinating, gripping, riveting, entertaining, amusing, diverting, intriguing, and yes, even interesting like trying to land your gorramn ship without a primary buffer panel. Some other great uses for the word interesting: Curse: "May you live in interesting times." (Translation: "We really hope the fates slap you upside the head like you deserve.") Not-A-Lie: "That's an interesting hair color." (Translation: "Did you dip your head in sewage?") Not-An-HR-Nightmare: "What an interesting dress!" (Translation: "Where's the rest of it?") Impending Disaster: "It's certainly an interesting problem." (Translation: "We have no clue how to fix it.") Wash's definition of "Interesting" in white on a black, babydoll (fitted) t-shirt. Note: These are sized differently than our standard babydolls. Please reference the table below to choose your size. S M L XL 2X C

Go 50,000 light years and turn left at Sagittarius At a shopping mall, there's a giant color-coded map to tell us if we're next to the Frank-n-Stein or where one can find the local Chess King. We think that in the grand scheme of things, that whole mall is really just a microspeck in the universe; it's a dust mite in the interstellar medium of our tiny galaxy! What's the point!? Why bother!? To put things in perspective, so-to-speak, we at ThinkGeek's Advanced Astrophysics Lab and T-Shirt Shop decided to help you out. In case you're ever feeling lost in this ever-expanding universe of about 300 billion galaxies, this t-shirt will help guide your way. With a representation of our own little 100,000 light-year-across cluster of 200 billion stars, the Milky Way, we show you the location of our solar system (in the Orion arm in case you're wondering). So next time you're running late from your jaunt over to Andromeda, you'll be able to make it back safely. It may take you a few hundr