Teenormous T-shirts

The Hero of Canton, the Man They Call Jayne Anti-heroes are the best. You don't have to put up with the holier-than-thou attitude, and you get the same results in the end. Granted, the hero half of Jayne's anti-heroism is because the good guys pay better. And, for the town of Canton, because strongboxes are heavy ballast. Okay. So he's an accidental hero. This is good because it leaves him room to kick some ass when he needs to, without a second thought. Well, without much thought at all. That's what we love about Jayne. He's uncomplicated. That, and the hat. Gotta love the hat. Postcard-esque image of the statue of Jayne with the words "Jaynestown" above and "Canton" beneath on a black, 100% cotton t-shirt.

What's your power? You may not be aware of it, but each one of us comes pre-equipped with superpowers. Radioactive spider bite or super soldier serum not required. For instance, T-Shirt Girl has the ability to turn traffic lights she's approaching red using only the power of her mind. Chris can convince anyone that they want to eat something repulsive. (Note that he can only use this power once on each employee here at ThinkGeek World Domination HQ. After that, his mind control abilities wear off.) So what's your power? And, based on that, what's the right hoodie for you? Maybe you have the ability to keep your closet entirely black. In that case, you'll want to opt for Spider-Man's black costume. Note: The Captain America is no longer available, but we have a new version over here. The traditional Spider-Man version is sold out and we're not getting it back. Sorry, folks. Long-sleeve, full-zip hooded sweatshirts are 60% cotton / 40% polyester. They have two front pockets and ri

Pretty cunning, dontcha think? We don't know what position 28 held for the Fighting Elves, but he or she was good. Heck, we don't even know what sport we're talking about. But it IS Jayne wearing the shirt, so we think it's safe to assume it's some sport where blood is shed. Rugby? Roller Derby? Full-Contact Zero-G Parcheesi? All we know is that the Fighting Elves' number 28 kicked some serious tookus. Jayne wears this design in "Safe," "Out of Gas," and "War Stories." The Chinese at the top translates to "Fighting Elves." The number 28 in a white circle is beneath with flames on this burnt orange, 100% cotton t-shirt. Officially-licensed Firefly gear.

"You buy this ship - treat her proper - she'll be with you for the rest of your life." One of the main characters of Firefly is Serenity herself, with all her quirks and surprises. Here are a couple of facts you might not have considered before. The ship could fit on a football field, hanging over the sidelines 5 ft. each way, which probably wouldn't even knock over the Gatorade cooler. The cargo capacity is 164,900 pounds, which is just over 7000 black-market beagles. Also, we would like to point out that we think it's really cool that Google has astronomical units to lightyears as one of their default conversions from the search box. This shirt features Serenity against a sunburst and a field of stars on a 100% cotton black t-shirt, along with the four Chinese characters which represent the phrase "Never Give Up" down the right side.

Want the impossible! We Buy Junk and Used Starfighters! All Makes & Models! We Offer Free Pickup and Fast Service! When only the nose of your Incom T-65 X-wing starfighter is sticking out of a swamp, don't salvage the vehicle! Drop it off at your local Jawa Reclamation Depot, and we'll fix it good as new. Bring in your "totaled" fighter, and we'll provide a free estimate and diagnosis on repair. If we can't fix it, we can set you up with a lovely, late-model droid whose happy chirps and whirs will take your mind off of it. Two (fully-functioning) X-wings grace the front of this light navy retro shirt in front of the Star Wars logo. Note: the print is distressed and the fabric is extra soft for a vintage feel.

Lone Starr Shot First Spaceballs is one of our favorite films here at ThinkGeek World Domination HQ for when we just need to zone out. It's one of the few science fiction films in which there is no thought required, yet we catch something new every time we see it. Okay. Maybe not every time now that we've seen it one billlllllion times. But it's still a lot of fun. May the Schwartz be with you. *covers crotch* "Evil will always triumph because good is dumb. - DH" handwritten in white ink on a black 100% cotton t-shirt. Just be grateful we didn't go straight to plaid.

Schooled by a six-year old. As adult (or almost adult) geeks, we consider it part of our duty to educate the younger masses who tend that way in The Ways of The Geek. Guide them. Nurture them. So this past weekend, t-shirt girl was visiting with her college roommate. She was idly discussing assorted Important Things with the kids of said roommate as they headed to an Italian restaurant for lunch. The six-year old boy piped up, "Boba Fett is blue." Without thinking she inquired, "What? You mean his lightsaber?" Little boy responded, in a tone that implied the absurdity of the question, "Boba Fett doesn't have a lightsaber." His tiny forehead furrowed. "Oh yeah. Dur." t-shirt girl scrambled. "He's got a blaster." But she'd had her moment of geek fail. There was no recovering. (For anyone else curious about why Boba Fett is blue, it has something to do with the Lego Star Wars computer games. She didn't dare ask more.) This classic Empire Strikes Back Boba Fett shirt is military gre

It's Zazzy! We don't always agree with her perspective, but Sheldon's mother certainly knows how to manage Sheldon. She's got years of experience (even if slightly abbreviated since Sheldon went to college at 11) in handling his quirky personality. Genetically, she may have given Sheldon his eyes and knees, but the far more significant gift arrived not via DNA but sound waves. That's right. We're talking about "Soft Kitty," everybody's favorite contagious lullaby. (See what we did there?) Sing it with us. You know the words. Soft kitty, warm kitty Little ball of fur Happy kitty, sleepy kitty Purr purr purr The lyrics to "Soft Kitty" and a grey tabby (paws up!) on a 100% cotton, ice-grey t-shirt.

That is good! That is good. Mongol General: Conan! What is best in life? Conan: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women. Mongol General: That is good! That is good. Ask the average person on the street to tell you what is best in life and you'll probably get cop-out answers like health, family, the open steppe, a good career (or these days, job security!), a fleet horse, falcons at your wrist, puppies, kittens, packages wrapped up in strings, and the series of tubes called the Internet. Also, the wind in your hair is pretty nice. While all these things are fine and good, they definitely are the WRONG answer to the question. Thank goodness Conan knows the right answer. The answer to the question "What is best in life?" as a white and red Venn diagram on a black, 100% cotton t-shirt.

Terrible Death Whinny Bad Horse! Bad Horse! Bad Horse! Bad Horse! The Evil League of Evil Is building on its brand The shirts that you receive Will bring us cash-in-hand Designs that we conceive'll Be highly in demand. A shield of red, a field of black Some Latin on a ribbon plaque. Bad Horse! Bad Horse! Bad Horse! He's Bad! So rustle up your wallet Pull out your credit card By Internet or phone call It's really not that hard! The charge will be quite small, and We'll give you our regards. So buy some now, they can be yours, Just click that button Signed Bad Horse Evil League of Evil official logo on a black, 100% cotton t-shirt.

I Think I'm Breaking Out in Hives Peter: Oh god, I hope you're not pregnant, we can't afford another kid. We already got Chris, Stewie, Richie, Joanie, Greg, Marsha, Bobby, Jan, Mike Seaver, Carol Seaver, Boner, Urkel, Mr. Furley... Brian: Peter those aren't your kids, that's the Nick-at-Night lineup. Peter: Blanka, Zangeif, Chun-Li, Guile, E. Honda... Brian: That's Street Fighter. Humans can be allergic to dogs. Dogs can be allergic to humans. Okay. So neither of them is allergic to the beast -- they're allergic to saliva or dander or something the mammal produces. Wouldn't it be awesome if stupid people put off something that identified them to your immune system as non-desirable? When the eau de idiot begins wafting your way, your histamines kick in. "I can't come to work today. There are too many stupid people there." Meetings that ran too long could cause people to go into anaphylactic shock. Not that that's a good thing. But we're all about shorter meetings. Brian from Fam

Let's Go Out to the Lobby This t-shirt is sneaky. It looks like a well-loved classic shirt from yesteryear, but it's really brand new. Dear people younger than us: if you want to fake having been a Star Wars fan ever since the movies came out, this t-shirt could possibly give you the +5 to Bluff necessary to do it. Of course, that's only if you're not trying to bluff people like us who have been fans since we saw it in all its glory on the big screen, Pop Rocks in one fist, and the other hand firmly clutching the seat, possibly stuck there by someone else's Hubba Bubba. Ah, good times. Good times. Who's up for Galaxian after the movie gets out? Scenes from The Empire Strikes Back in navy with yellow, salmon, and azure blue accents on a heather grey t-shirt. The fabric is 60% Cotton 25% Polyester 15% Rayon, which gives it a soft feel. Note that this is a slightly distressed print, which means it is intentionally aged. The fabric is clearly visible through the ink. This shirt is s

The Backstroke of the West In today's lesson, subtitlers for Japanese bootleg DVDs will learn how to make English nouns plural. In order to make an object plural, add "ses." For instance: I hope that these dreamses really can't become. If the word already ends in "s," add "eses" to make it plural. Some example sentenceses: I had enough of these politicseses. Send these troopseses only. This helpful grammar tip brought to you by some elephants and the Presbyterian Church. A Stormtrooper and Darth Vader on a red cotton t-shirt with the Japanese "Daakusaido" (aka Dark Side) vertically. Note: the print is distressed and the fabric is extra soft for a vintage feel.

You don't go to the gym; you're just naturally like this. He's everyone's favorite narcissist: the dashingly handsome Captain Hammer, who craves adoration and is always ready to fight for what's right - as long as it doesn't muss up his hair. He's a multitasking super hero, battling Dr. Horrible, flirting with the ladies and showing his well-toned body to best advantage.* Lucky for Hammer, he has us to keep him flexing in style, with the Captain Hammer T-Shirt. Quantum Mechanix worked with Dr. Horrible costume designer Shawna Trpcic to exactly replicate the shirt worn by Nathan Fillion in Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. We're not only using a shirt that's an exact match for the screen-used costume piece, the Captain Hammer logo is printed using the exact same graphic file Ms. Trpcic used created for the original shirt. Captain Hammer logo on a dark grey 100% cotton t-shirt. * Just give him a sec to strike a pose.

Iron Man MK IX Armor This may look like a standard t-shirt, but it's actually the Iron Man Mark IX suit. This latest version is much lighter than all previous versions, featuring a flexible interior with knitted cotton exterior. Unlike the Extremis version, the movement with your body does not require you to inject carbon nanotubes into your brain. The chest-mounted uni-beam is powered by photons, which it collects and then disperses when the wearer enters a dark area. For all body parts covered by the Mark IX's new form factor, the suit provides protection from adverse weather conditions, UV rays, and temperature extremes. It is designed for up to two days of use inside Earth's atmosphere, although after the first 12 hours of use its effectiveness is reduced. After 24 hours, it begins to act as a repulsor. The Iron Man Arc Reactor Shirt has three components: the t-shirt, a light panel with a long cable, and a battery box. When fresh batteries are in the battery box and the unit

Which dinosaur are you? We have two versions of this dinosaur hoodie: T. Rex and Raptor. This simple guide is intended to help you decide if the raptor is right for you. The Deinonychus antirrhopus represents: Willingness to be a team player. We've found Tenontosaurus remains in the same area as Deinonychus. To a Deinonychus, Tenontosaurus was big - 10 times his weight. So we can be pretty sure that Deinonychus hunted in packs to bring down this huge prey. Flexibility. The Deinonychus shoulder and elbow joints had more than twice the range of motion of T. Rex's stubby arms. Which is why T. Rex never got to be the pitcher on the dinosaurs' pickup softball team. Espionage and intrigue. Deinonychus can be a deep undercover operative. Many audiences never knew that the parts that called for a Velociraptor in Jurassic Park were actually played by a Deinonychus. (*Folger's coffee commercial whisper* We've secretly replaced the Velociraptor in this scene with a Deinonychus. Let's watch

Have fun storming the castle! The best part about being a miracle worker is that you're not tied down to the rules and regulations of traditional medicine. Hippo-what Oath? Whatever. If there's a noble cause, like ruining the wedding of the king's stinking son who fired you, then you can do whatever it takes to bring the mostly dead back to life. And if the mostly dead turns out to be all dead, you can scrounge around in his pockets for loose change. Maybe even enough money to buy a delicious MLT, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe.... But we digress. The handbill printed on this 100% cotton, sand-colored shirt is a movable advertisement for Miracle Max's services. Discounts for noble causes. Hie-diddle-ick dal-da-naysha!

WARNING: Human fuel levels dangerously low It's Monday afternoon. You've got an important TPS report due in the next hour. You absentmindedly reach for your coffee cup and notice it's way lighter than it should be. As you tip it skyward, you realize that your human fuel is at a catastrophically low level. You're running on fumes! Your body is awash with panic. Can you get a refill that will propel you across the Excel finish line before the dreaded jitters, shakes, and headaches set in? Or will your engine stop in mid-keystroke? This is an authentic Glennz t-shirt, full of New Zealand-y goodness. Printed on a black, 100% fine jersey cotton t-shirt, this design features a coffee cup with dangerously low power level symbols. It's printed on American Apparel, which fits differently than most of ThinkGeek's shirts, so be sure to check the Sizing Info tab to ensure you select the right size.

in Soviet Russia, Shirt Puts You in Cart Dividing by zero is baaad mojo. You don't want to try it. If you get it to work, it assures you're well on your way to Crazy Town. Well, honestly, if you get it to work you're already there. You may even be the mayor. Check foursquare. At least in the Soviet Russia version, zero divided by you isn't a mathematical impossibility. Unless you're zero. But we know you. You're one of our customers. You're something to us, which means you can't be zero. In fact, we'd go so far as to say that you're positive. However, you are about to be divided by zero. Brace yourself. Black shirt with the words "In Soviet Russia, zero divides by you!" printed large in red.

It was worse than dead; his brain was gone. There are a lot of ways to die if you're a red shirt. You can be shot by a poisonous plant, step on an exploding rock, be struck by lightning, get whacked by a native with a big stick, choke on a dikironium cloud, or, our personal favorite, be beamed down to a planet that's not actually there and get sucked into space, never to be seen again. But it's an entirely different matter when Bones says, "He's undead, Jim." That's way worse than dead, and the entire galaxy could be at risk! Be sure to double tap with your phaser. Fun factoid: The very first "He's dead, Jim" referred to a dog that had an unfortunate encounter with a transporter. Yeah. You knew that. But what is it with us using dogs for space experimentation? They may be "man's best friend," but, if actions speak louder than words, the feeling's not so much mutual. (Don't worry. We won't be sending any of our puppies into space, fictional or otherwise.) Red shirt zombie with th

Which dinosaur are you? We have two versions of this dinosaur hoodie: T. Rex and Raptor. This simple guide is intended to help you decide if T. rex is right for you. The Tyrannosaurus rex represents: Intimidating physical strength. An average-sized T. rex could lift a gift basket filled with three average-sized Deinonychus antirrhopus. Just in case you need to know what to get it for its birthday. A take-no prisoners approach. The tyrannosaur's u-shaped jaw (as opposed to the v-shape of many predators) tells us it tore big chunks off its prey. Omnomnom. Keen senses. Despite what Steven Spielberg may say, T. rex's binocular vision means he hardly ever failed his spot check. And his sense of smell was the keenest amongst dinosaurs tested, including three different Dromaeosauridae. ("What does this smell like to you?" *scientist holds vial up to dino snout* T. rex: "Hmm. Sauropod with a light bouquet of conifer.") Willingness to embrace technology. Lots of bones exist for T. rex, b

Count to Ten People of the Firefly 'verse who could be labeled calm: Mal, Zoe, Shepherd Book, Inara. Wash isn't so much calm as he has distinct moments of overcalm. And you can imagine Kaylee lighting incense or candles or something occasionally. Jayne? Not your epitome of Zen. If you're looking for reflective and tranquil, he's not so much your guy. So when River has her moment on Miranda and he mutters, "She is startin' to damage my calm," you know he ain't got much to work with there so somebody'd probably better get right on that. And if you're anything like our favorite of the "bad guys," you'd better give those likely to suffer from damaging your calm plenty of warning. And maybe... what? 100 yards headstart? Jayne's likeness above the warning "You Are Beginning to Damage My Calm" on an olive green 100% cotton shirt.

"What exactly does that expression mean, 'friends with benefits?' Does he provide her with health insurance?" - Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory It's not surprising that when Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory decides he needs a new friend (Bawwy Kwipke, because of his wole with the Open Science Gwid Computew), he approaches the problem scientifically. Because we all occasionally need a little help doing that, we've reproduced his flowchart on this shirt. Unfortunately, it's difficult to follow the arrows when you're wearing it so you either need to convince an extant friend to wear this shirt with you (which can lead to awkward questions) or rig a series of mirrors. We recommend the mirrors. It involves fewer humans. This shirt features the flowchart from "The Friendship Algorithm," season 2, episode 13 on a white, 100% cotton t-shirt. To check out the full flowchart (lo-res but readable), click here.

The Bazinga Saturation Hypothesis Here at ThinkGeek World Domination HQ, we are huge fans of the sitcom The Big Bang Theory. We would like to posit a hypothesis we have developed re: its popularity: the number of viewers is directly proportional to the quantity of "bazingas" in the season. To wit, Season 1 Bazinga Quotient: 0 Viewers (in millions): 8.34 Season 2 Bazinga Quotient: 3 Viewers (in millions): 10.01 Season 3 Bazinga Quotient: We stopped counting at 15. Viewers (in millions): 14.2 BAZINGA! writ large across a red, 100% cotton pullover hooded sweatshirt.