Teenormous T-shirts

T-Shirt of Indeterminacy Heisenberg was pretty certain about one thing: uncertainty. Incredibly simplified for comprehension by our merchant monkeys, Heisenberg figured out that as you measure a moving particle's position or momentum, you affect the other. In fact, the more accurately you measure one, the more you throw the other off. Now, in normal everyday activities, this doesn't really figure in. But on the quantum scale of the atom, these things are HUGE. We're pretty sure this shirt is currently in the warehouse, so we can't be certain about how quickly it's wending its way to your closet. Or, if you'd prefer, we can get you information on how quickly the shirt's moving toward your mailbox, but then we can't tell you where it is. Okay, well, that's not entirely true, because our t-shirts don't currently come in sub-atomic sizes. We can, however, tell you the probability that the electrons that make up this shirt are heading your way is far higher if you've actually ordered

Optimize your Liquid Throughput No matter how fast your connection is, there's always something you need that's bigger than your pipe. And you're stuck with a loading icon. Or worse yet, an interminable slideshow of the special features of the product you're attempting to download, built solely to taunt you into wishing you could be using it instead of watching the slideshow. And then (finally) whatever it is you were waiting for, your personal digital holy grail, is loaded. Loaded. Loaded! Which is exactly what you will be if you take the advice of our shirt. "Loading... please wait" expresses the frustration that humans can't go from zero to inebriated in a picosecond. And if you're wondering, the 26% in the middle of this black, 100% cotton shirt is how much of *you* is loaded, not the beer. That's why there's a lot more beer to drink. You should probably do something about that. You don't want folks to wait around, twiddling their thumbs, while they wait for you to finish loa

Lather. Rinse. Repeat. We think the Jargon File defines recursion best: recursion: n. See recursion. "In order to understand recursion, one must first understand recursion," printed in white on a 100% cotton, dark chocolate t-shirt. Note: The earliest version of this shirt had a period at the end before we thought better of it. So if you get one with a period, cherish it. It's a limited edition.

Vent Those Luser Frustrations, SQL Style Too bad you can't use SQL queries in the real world. We suppose it's also too bad that reality (whatever that is) doesn't have a command line mode. Or does it? And if it did, would we also have access to replication from this all encompassing command line? Go find out. We have already, right ThinkGeek? 'Yes ThinkGeek, we have already'. Black tshirt with the following SQL query written in white on front "SELECT * FROM users WHERE clue > 0". Unfortunately, zero rows are then returned....uh oh. And hey! there is no freakin semi-colon at the end of this query because not everybody under the sun uses the same database with the same console/shell - and there is more than one way to skin a cat. Umkay? Umkay.

Buzz Buzz... You live and code by this alkaloid, why not wear your badge of addiction for all to see? Kind of like a scarlet molecule. Only not scarlet. Green. Caffeine molecule printed in Matrix green on a navy babydoll (fitted) shirt.

Fun with solids! So, Johnny was diligently working in the lab trying to generate a little nucleation. But things weren't going so well and he's just not having any luck. Then all of a sudden his lab partner fumbles in, accidently knocking Johnny's beaker of silver nitrate into some potassium chloride which spills all over Johnny. 'Heavens to Betsy!' Johnny gleefully proclaims as a beautiful white solid of silver chloride materializes. And that's why, the legend goes, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. Kelly green, 100% cotton heavyweight t-shirt with black text and pics on it. Beneath some nifty drawings of labatory equipment reads...'If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate'.

And You Thought *Your* Download Was Long... 4.65 Terabytes. That's how big a baby is. Well, on a T1. Takes 40 weeks to get it to where it's supposed to be. Course, we didn't figure in latency or protocol headers or jitter (Ed. note: never jitter the baby), so it could be a little longer. And if you get an early EOF, the NICU's there for any recovery and whatnot that needs to be done. All joking aside, we wish you and your little one a happy and uneventful pregnancy, and your future geek all the best. And don't sit your tiny wailing banshee next to us at the restaurant. thx. These are maternity shirts, a 100% cotton combed ringspun jersey in black with the words Loading... Please Wait and a progress bar in white across the belly. Note: Please reference the table below to choose your size. S M L XL Chest 38 in. 40 in. 44 in. 48 in. Waist 40 in. 42 in. 46 in. 50 in. Front Length 25 1/2 in. 26 1/2 in. 27 1/2 in. 28 1/2 in. Hip 46 in. 48 in. 52 in. 56 in.

Mommy, this water burns! Mmmm... how about a nice tall glass of sulfuric acid? Don't be like Johnny - study your chemistry and avoid certain death! Our "Johnny" shirt is a classic chemistry joke you can wear rather than put in your sig for geek creds. Johnny was a chemist's son, But Johnny is no more. What Johnny thought was H20 was H2SO4. 100% cotton, heavyweight tan t-shirt. Poem and image of poor Johnny printed on the front in dark brown and light blue.

An Artistic Approximation Of Pi What is Pi? Some might define it as the ratio of a circle's circumference divided by its diameter. Others might think it's an irrational number that's impossible to know completely. Still others might think it's a mystical, transcendental, almighty number that will only finally be revealed when society as a whole puts on a bunch of purple felt jump suits and hitches a ride on a nearby comet. Those people aren't reading this description though. They are browsing the howtothinklikeaflower.com website. But we digress... We here at ThinkGeek like to think of Pi as a way to help you come up with creative reasons to spend your hard earned cash on a T-shirt. Quick question. When is Pi day? March 14th of course. Think about that for a second. Now, while still mesmerized, drop this shirt into your shopping cart. Navy blue 100% cotton babydoll tshirt. Stretchy and fitted, not baggy like the guys' stuff! Pi symbol printed on the front in white. The first 4493

YCMV (Your Chimpanzeeness May Vary) Face it. You knew from the first time you climbed on the monkey bars that you were 98% Chimp. You could swing, screech, eat bananas... really all you needed were opposable toes and some additional body hair to make the picture complete. In the 1970s studies emerged comparing promising sequences of aligned human and chimpanzee DNA. The divergences were striking in their minimalism -- the differences due to base substitution came back under 2%. Aha. There's that opposable toe. Even today, with new technology and the entire chimpanzee genome mapped, the numbers run about the same. Unless you count indels. Which we don't. Don't get us wrong. We like indels. Heck. Just the way they put the word together makes us all misty for "modem." Indels, aka insertions and deletions of nucleotides in a protein sequence, make up an additional estimated 3% of differences between human and chimp genetics. They're common in non-coding regions of the DNA, bits where

OMG Pwnies!!!!1! There's only one gift that would make every little gamer girl's dreams come true: pwnies. Pwnies are just like real ponies except with less mucking out stalls and more fragging of the enemy. What could be better than having your own pwnies to play with? You could braid their manes, feed them apples, equip them with rocket-propelled grenade launchers.... There's no end to the fun you can have with your little pwnies.* Two prancing controller-ponies with the phrase "OMG Pwnies!" printed in tan, grey, and red glitter on a black cotton babydoll shirt. Also available in a women's classic cut if you'd prefer more generous proportions. * No pwnies were harmed in the making of this shirt. However, the red glitter is genuine unicorn blood. Sorry about that.

Pluto gets demoted, ThinkGeek makes a shirt. Imagine yourself a tiny planet, happily orbiting the sun at nearly 6 billion kilometers. One morning, you check your email - ooh, an urgent message from the International Astronomical Union. "dear sir... yadda yadda... regret to inform... yadda yadda... planetary status has BEEN REVOKED?!" WTF? Some scientists are protesting, others even taking legal action, but it's true - the IAU has created rules governing the definition of 'Planet', and our favorite Kuiper-belt object has officially been voted out of the planetary house. ThinkGeek's latest shirt show's Pluto's likely response, if it were sentient, spoke English, and frowned on cursing. Black high-quality shirt with a white depiction of the solar system, the ninth orbital body of which quietly lamenting, "weak."

Thank You, Mario, But Our Princess Rescued Herself There are lots of stories about heroic knights rescuing princesses. In fact, some of our favorite epics follow that same trope: Star Wars, Zelda, The Princess Bride.... But sometimes you've got to mix it up a little. You don't feel like sitting around playing the damsel in distress, patiently waiting for some Y chromosome to come to your aid. In fact, you might have to rescue some poor, wayward princes on your quest, which is okay. As long as they don't get in the way. If you're reading this page, we're betting that you are that superheroine. But if you're not, we know you have one in your life. Your own personal Buffy, Lara Croft, Zoe, the wielder of The Witchblade, Xena, Kim Possible, Leela, Agent 355, Ripley, Wonder Woman, or (our favorite rolemodel for little girls) Elizabeth from The Paper Bag Princess. We could go on, but you get the idea. To paraphrase, geek girls kick butt and chew bubble gum, and we're all out of gum. "S

The Day Without Fusion is Coming One day it's gonna happen. We've even stuck it on our Google Calendar (tentatively busy June 15, 5,000,000,2008). On that date (give or take a few millennia), the sun will turn the last of the hydrogen in its core into helium, and voila. No more fusion. No more sunshine. Of course, at that point if the human race still exists and inhabits Earth, that'll be the least of our worries, what with adapting our new orbit and trying to outrun the leading edge of our now likely red giant sun. But now you have a funny shirt to wear should it happen (and if the human race still comes equipped with a standard package of a torso and two arms in their respective locations). "A day without fusion is like a day without sunshine" printed in orange and yellow beneath a happy sun on a 100% cotton charcoal grey t-shirt.

[insert evil laugh track] 4E may have taken away half the alignment options, but Wizards of the Coast left us with one of our favorites: Chaotic Evil. Not always viable in a campaign situation, Chaotic Evil makes for a great one-night gaming-session all-out ego-fest. Your character has a goal in your mind and will do whatever is necessary to bring it about. Simple. Uncomplicated. Of course, when there's a party involved, then it gets more complicated. You might have to hack through the lawful good character standing in your way. This is why it's better if it's a one-night session. Cause feelings get hurt if you turn somebody's almost-epic-level paladin into steak tartare. Eeeeeevil steak tartare. Chaotic Evil means you get to do whatever you want, as long as it gets you closer to what you really want. The best foe is an unarmed one. The best puppy is a kicked one. The best fellow party members are also Chaotic Evil, going after the same goal as you. Only you'll get to it first, c

You've Got to Know When to Walk Away, Know When to Take a Double-Move Action Table-top gamers tend to be a superstitious bunch. Maybe it goes hand in hand with the in-game proof that praying to the god of your choice can make your arrow fly more accurately. Or maybe it's the result of a chemical compound produced in the gourmet gestalt of Cheetos and Mountain Dew. Whatever it is, we definitely have our rituals and eccentricities. One of the ThinkGeek Monkeys was in a group once in which one of the players would begin rolling before the game started, declaring he was "getting all the bad rolls out." Another would chide him because he was "wasting all his good rolls." But we all feel there's something more to the dice than just random chance. When the dice control life and death, they become imbued with powers beyond stochastic phenomena. We've all had The Good Dice and The Bad Dice. This shirt memorializes that horrific night everyone has had when your dice were out to get you. Yo

Does Schr?dinger's Cat Live? Twisted up in Schr?dinger's uncertainty thought experiment, this historical kitty has been put through a quantum ringer that nobody should have to experience. After all it's tough work being both alive and dead simultaneously. Every student of physics knows that Schr?dinger's 1935 paper regarding a hypothetical paradox involving a cat has perplexed and annoyed physics geeks for years. The basic idea; If the outcome of a circumstance is presently unknown and by observing the circumstance you will disrupt it, then it exists in all possible states simultaneously... Simple! At least to quantum physicists with massive craniums. And hey eventually this principle will seem commonplace, but by then our highways will connect galaxies and shirts like this will be so utterly obvious that they'll likely be dish rags. Don't get it? We propose the following thought experiment: Give your friend enough money to purchase the "Schr?dinger's Cat" shirt (don't forget the

Fun with Chemistry: a Ferrous Wheel As seen on Big Bang Theory! Right. If you're checking out this shirt, you probably like corny chemistry jokes, so here's another for you: Two atoms walk into a bar. One atom stops and says to the other, "I think I just lost an electron." The second atom asks "Are you sure?" The first atom replies, "I'm positive!" *rimshot* A ring of ferrous ions (Fe+2) is printed in white on this 100% cotton, maroon shirt.

Tell Them How You Really Feel There is nothing more frustrating on this earth than constantly being asked to help other people with their petty computer problems. Of course if your job description dictates that you have to fix other peoples computers, then there is nothing so frustrating as being forced to do so ;) "Hey Mark, I don't have a modem and can't connect to the Internet, can you fix this?" "I removed some of the pins from my monitor cable because it didn't seem to fit right, now it's not working at all...can you fix my computer?" Hey Sally, Can you fix my Internet, everytime I visit a website it says my host is unknown" "NO! NO! Now Go Away Before I Replace You With A Very Small Shell Script!" You say...

Sometimes You Just Have To Get Away Feeling homesick? Spend too much time in Oz fixing other people's computer problems? Just close your eyes, click your heels, don this fine t-shirt and all your troubles will flow by the wayside just like those luser files piped into /dev/null. Black high-quality heavyweight 100% cotton t-shirt with the phrase 'There's no place like 127.0.0.1' written front and center in white.

Stumps Them Every Time... Do you enjoy watching the desperately puzzled faces of your co-workers day in and day out? Then we are sure you'll enjoy being the source of their frustrations as you stride down the fluorescent hallways with this fine koan of a t-shirt... High quality heavyweight black tshirt with the phrase "There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't" written front and center in white ink. If you don't get it, you just shouldn't get it now should you? ;)

"We will rule over all this land, and we will call it... this land." Just like British actors in American film, poor theropods always end up playing the bad guys. At the beginning of the pilot for Firefly (well, okay, after the beginning beginning), Wash has those plastic dinosaurs, one of which is a Tyrannosaurus or an Allosaurus. Either way, it's a theropod that's about to be vilified. Let's face it. Whenever you have two plastic dinosaurs together, you know it's gonna end with one of them being eaten, so if you've got a carnivore and an herbivore, you know who has the upper ... er... appendage. Especially since the Stegosaurus is all, "Ehn. Ehn. I gots only orthal movements in mah jaw. Ehn." We just hope the Stegosaurus got to use the thagomizer (Gary Larson should get to name all these things) before its untimely end. A speech bubble that reads "Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal" hangs over two cream-colored dinosaurs under a floating Serenity logo on a chocolate brow

Wi-Fi Signal Status for You and the World! Here at ThinkGeek we're pretty lazy when it comes to technology. We expect our gadgets to do all the busywork while we focus on the high level important tasks like reading blogs. That's why we hate to have to crack open our laptops just to see if there is any wi-fi internet access about... and keychain wi-fi detectors, we would have to actually remove them from our pockets to look at them. But now thanks to the ingenious ThinkGeek robot monkeys you can display the current wi-fi signal strength to yourself and everyone around you with this stylish Wi-Fi Detector Shirt. The glowing bars on the front of the shirt dynamically change as the surrounding wi-fi signal strength fluctuates. Finally you can get the attention you deserve as others bow to you as their reverential wi-fi god, while geeky chicks swoon at your presence. You can thank us later.

Fetch... the Comfy Chair! Nooooobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. Our chief weapon is fear. Fear and surprise. Our two, two main weapons are fear, surprise, and a ruthless efficiency. Our three, three main weapons are fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope. Ah. Amongst our weapons are fear, surprise.... Amongst our weaponry are.... Ah. I'll come in again. "The Spanish Inquisition" and the subtitle "Expected by Nobody Since 1970" printed on a black shield with white highlights on a cardinal red (get it? cardinal red?), 100% cotton t-shirt. The design includes the hat from Cardinal Ximinez (Michael Palin) and two crosses.