The holiday equivalent of the tuxedo shirt allows you to be ironically 'merry.'

If Elf reminded us of anything, it's what the true meaning of Christmas really is. Something to do with narwhals.

At least he wasn't raised by wolves.

Just what your holiday needed. Casual murder! (Also, song references.)

I'm not sure why this emoticon hasn't caught emoti-on.

Restraining order not included!

You know, this actually sounds quite painful.

Pretty sure this is a good place to start an Occupy Christmas movement.

Some people might prefer to receive packages not filled with Styrofoam peanuts!

The best response to the inevitable creepy comments this t-shirt invites is a soul-scraping scowl! What would the holidays be without those?

A Festivus! For the rest of us. This basically entails enjoying Seinfeld references - which will still be relevant post-nuclear-fallout, you realize - and probably not being all about that holly jolly schmuckery. We like this holly jolly schmuckery instead.

It's no secret on The Office that it's not much of an office Christmas party if it doesn't result in at least a couple of counseling sessions. Once Dwight's gone full elf, there's no going back.

Remember to start crying uncontrollably when begging for gifts. Santa hasn't had the experience of going dead inside from parenthood.

Whaddaya mean? I mean, you can laugh anyti- oh. Oh! Santa, you card.

Could a truer statement be made that no holiday is more likely to drive you to drink than Christmas? Have a cold one for us.

Santa knows what's up. "Yeah, yeah, kids, presents, d'you know how bombed I've gotta be to make this run? Ohoho, and guess how Blitzen got his name!"

Y'know, people might start to rethink the whole 'naughty' thing if we brought back the Krampus. A little childhood trauma does a person good.

I call this method of gift-purveying the 'Human Forklift' move!

Remember when Han Solo went to Kashyyyk to celebrate Life Day with Chewbacca's family? Nobody wants to remember that.

Annual Gift Man may be unwieldy, and the casualties whenever he appears may be high, but he only means well! You didn't need all those relatives, anyway.

This Santa tee's worth the Journey, if you ask us. (Har har har! We mean, hohoho!)

You know what's really annoying? Other people's happiness. You know what I'm talking about.

Don't worry, Charlie Brown. We'd be down around the holidays if we were undergoing chemotherapy at your age, too.

If there was a unifying message in A Christmas Story, I think we can all agree that it's that more children should be given guns.

Don't worry, guys. Jesus is only here ironically. And he was into Neutral Milk Hotel before you were.

Think of this t-shirt this way - at least you'll have something else to talk about at your next therapy session! By the way, that song really talks about keeping quiet - you might want to invest in a bat.

If you're having a Christmas this blue, we hope you're a Smurf. If not, consult a doctor three hours ago.